A few years ago, I found out that I was absolutely obsessed with making side by side photos of my family. Seeing as how I’m the only male in the house, this has been great therapy for me, and my battle on estrogen. I thought today I would share a few of my favorites.
First we’ll start out simple. One day our kitten yawned, and I couldn’t help but notice how striking similar it looked to my youngest daughter, Vallie’s meltdowns.
Next let’s go to my wife, Amy. If you follow me on Facebook, you’ve seen this in your news feed at least a hundred times… You’ll see it a thousand more, I promise. This was when Amy broke her collarbone mountain biking. Pitiful, I know… But I don’t care how bad you feel…don’t put yourself in a situation where you look identical to the mayor of Whoville, and expect me not to put it on the internet.
I don’t know what it is that always makes me see Tigers, and other extremely dangerous animals when comparing Vallie.. Well actually, I’m not gonna lie.. It’s the beauty, the rage.. The fear, the terror that she put in the mind of others.. The thought of knowing that just one wrong move, and she will lash out at anyone in her path.
If you’re a college football fan, or especially a Clemson fan then you know who Danny Ford is. Coach Ford led the Tigers to their National Championship in 1981. If there is a human being on the planet that I would pay to punch one of my teeth out, it would be him. This picture is basically just me trying to make us look way cooler than what we really are.
Ok, so I hate to get off subject of family here, but don’t think just because we’re not related that you’re safe from falling victim to one of my side by sides… This is Asheville Dj, and my friend at Star104.3, Josh Michael. He thought calling me out on his radio show would be a great idea. You can tell how that turned out for him. I could’ve also went Ryan Seacrest, but he would’ve liked that too much. I hope we’re still friends, man… or should I say, “Neighbor”?
I call this one “Hakuna Matata”.. It means, “No worries”. (Try to stop singing that now. You’re welcome) This one actually got a “like” from Ellen..Ok, well maybe not, Ellen herself.. but at least one of her admin on her show page. Whatever. Shut up. This one is probably my favorite.
Let’s get back to Amy. She’s my favorite target. Emenim once said “You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow”. Ever since he said that, I’ve tried to make the most of every opportunity.. Like this picture. Amy and I were on a simple day hike, when her hair band broke, and I had to give up my hat. Do you remember the scene in Forrest Gump, where he stops in the middle of the road and says “I’m pretty tired.. I think I’ll go home now..” when I was a kid, I used to think Jenny was smoking hot.. But never did I imagine my wife would look exactly like Forrest freaking Gump.
This simply proves that my oldest daughter, Macie isn’t alone by having a crying sibling. There’s more toddlers like, Vallie.. Even in the animal kingdom.
Let’s cut the crap and get on with the most epic meltdown in the history of temper tantrums. My wife hates this one. I’m a huge Clemson fan, so basically I named my second daughter after the stadium the Tigers play in (Death Valley). One day this fit took place in our front yard, and it looks eerily similar to Megadeth’s famous album cover. I simply call this one “MegaDeath Vallie” if you think this is a parenting win, we can be friends.. If not, okay goodbye.
Speaking of parenting wins… I taught Vallie to put her baby doll in a figure four. I’m just kidding… This was just a meltdown that looked like a wrestling move…
I know.. some of you are dying to type it.. “YOUR BABY CRIES ALL THE TIME. TAKE IT TO THE DOCTOR… GET HER SOME MEDICATION. . CHANGES HER DIET” shut up. She smiles alot, too. I just don’t post them as much. I don’t want my facbook and instagram pictures to be as boring as yours… besides, she’s not crying here, she’s roaring. Go Tigers!
Here’s one where Amy looks like some creepy old guy… oh wait, that’s Adolf Hitler… The most evil man to ever walk the face of this earth. What a coincidence.. and why does the child on his lap not look as terrified as Vallie?
I guess after all of this, I’m one step closer to receiving the divorce papers from my wife, but you get where I’m going with all these.. Vallie looks like raging exotic animals, and Rockstars… While, Amy looks like male celebrities and evil villains. Macie I guess has gotten away lucky for the most part.
Let’s face it.. Kids do weird things, but because they are “our kids”, we think its cute. But what if grown ups acted like them? I’ve got the answer. Here are some snapshots that Amy and I have found in our phones, and we have decided to reenact them. Before I go, I’ll leave you with these. We simply call them, “If We Acted Like Our Kids”.
Facebook: Jason A Ward